Lately, I've been focusing more on how my blog looks like, rather than produce quality content. I've been assailed by negative thoughts pretty much everyday since this year began. Today, while lying down in bed with hubby, he came up with the crazy idea that he turned me into a cruel soul. According to him, I'm no longer nice. He didn't want to go into further explanations but his comment left me in a weird mood.
Once upon a time, I couldn't bear it when people would tell me how nice I am. Did you know that the word nice originally meant ignorant? I looked it up a while back and hated it more when I'm being tagged as a 'nice' woman.
But today, I rather took it to heart when my own husband lazily said that I'm not nice. Not anymore. I won't lie; it did pinch my heart. After all, I know I pick on everyone, not to their face but in the cozy comfort of my bedroom with hubby as my sole audience. I find fault with every damn thing. I emphasize on people's flaws rather than their good qualities. I'm not hunting for prefect friends, perfect family members, perfect in-laws, perfect parents, perfect siblings. But it sure as hell looks like it. And along the process, my self-confessed laziness keeps growing and growing. It's taking a toll on my poor belly. Ah! Well that's another issue.
So what is this thing about me seeking perfection in every bloody God-made thing?
Am I getting old? I mean mentally...'cause physically, in an un-braggingly way, I don't look 28. In 2 years I'll hit the third big O. I'm dreading it. I want time to stop. Indefinitely.
Is that such an unreasonable demand?
10 Comments:
when you keep doing something repeatedly it becomes a habit. but you can always break the habit if it bothers you.
anyway, i like the new blog look
I think occasional ranting and picking on people are acceptable as long as you don't really hurt them in the process and do it to justify your bad habits. I like gossiping, maybe men just can't understand that and you should only talk about it with your close friends who don't mind gossips and wont judge you for it?
A post of mine was discussing this a few weeks back..it seems like almost all of us are adamant to be perfect in EVERY thing. Perhaps, this has to do with our inner feeling of not being enough? When self satisfaction is there, you tend to be more easygoing.
Ask hubby to elaborate...maybe that'll help.
For the record, I LOVE your layout!
@Manju this bad habit is here to stay by the looks of it...but I'll try... :D
@Andhari I don't gossip with anyone else but hubby. I can tell him anything and everything without being judged. But I realized it too, that I've become sour...or my cynicism is taking over my 'good' traits?
@Nahl I haven't attained that self-satisfaction phase yet. Right now I should be picking on myself. Call it soul searching...and as for the layout I'm glad you like it! :D
Just keep focussed on the positive side of life..I am sur ur husb did tell u this bcoz he know ull reflect on it and act on it. try to think. and maybe change ur criteria. i know its hard when ur in front of the wrong crowd. but u know how it is. some things are better left unsaid. ask the Almighty for Guidance to the old you again. and Lastly there is only 1 word it is: BELIEVE....
We only stop when we die.
Make the best use of your youth!
My mom used to tell me if I looked more at the bright side, I'd have an easier time seeing it. She was more half-fullish. Obvi.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. Each one of us is a work in progress. :)
xo/evie
You're kinda like my wife and I do lie awake with her some nights listening to her tear our friends and acquaintances apart.
My role as hubby, I'd like to think, is to provide a bit of on-going perspective. And it's a role i've come to enjoy. :)
@Suddenly Fourty My husband got used to it too by now. LOL
1) Your blog is pretty, dude. I'm a fan of the layout.
2) For some reason, I think it's easy to really wallow in the negative with the ones we love. The other day I was telling my bff that everyone at work makes fun of me for being a perky Pollyanna, and bff just stared agape: "YOU?!" It was a good reminder that I should probably be at least as nice to the people I love most in the world as I am to random baristas and the like.